It was almost a year ago to the day that I visited Austria (I left for Vienna on October 23rd) and looking at how my life has changed since then, I can't be happier with the way everything has worked out.
My marriage was in a downward spiral when I started this blog. My husband and I are two very imperfect people who got married rather young and were insistent that we knew exactly what we were doing. We were kidding ourselves. Our first year of marriage was wonderful. I can only hope and pray, however, that we never have to go through another year like our second. My need to control everything combined with my husband's very tumultuous emotional journey as a childhood sexual abuse survivor made both of our lives something of a living hell. The "D-word" was brought up more times than I care to admit. When I decided that I wanted to better myself, it was very much with the attitude that I was going to become better in spite of my husband. Because I felt like everything else in my life was miserable, I wanted to do the things that would make me happy by myself without consideration to my husband, my marriage, or anything else. What's truly amazing is that as my situation changed, the things that I'm doing now and the priorities that I set have become priorities for both my husband and myself.
A year ago, my husband and I were both in jobs that we didn't really like in a city that wasn't really conducive to our goals and desires and seemingly without a way to change it. We'd both been applying for jobs elsewhere but hadn't really gotten anywhere. Fortunately, a month or so after I got back, Gallup called. This changed everything. To say we were stuck in a rut in Peoria is probably the understatement of the century. I spent an absurd amount of time looking for jobs but never found anything promising. We'd discussed buying a house but neither of us were sure we wanted the permanency of buying a house in a city neither of us were crazy about. The doctor Matt was seeing (and the counselor we were seeing together) were probably worse for us than seeing no one at all. So the call from Gallup was like a seeing a sunrise for the first time after having 6 straight years of night. I wish I was exaggerating.
(At this point I want to stop and say that there were a few positives to Peoria (mostly people) and it wasn't completely terrible - but with the emotional/mental position Matt and I were in, it was hard to appreciate the good things we had.)
When I say that moving back to Omaha was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, I'm not kidding. All of the positive changes that have happened in our lives and in our marriage have occurred, I believe, as a direct result of moving to this city. I was able to find an 8-5 job which has allowed Matt and I to actually spend a consistent and reasonable amount of time together, and he has a doctor who he respects and who actually helps treat his conditions as opposed to worsening them. We've put our focus back on our faith, we've bought a house, we've done a complete 180. A year ago today, I was probably bouncing back and forth between my utter excitement for the trip to Austria and my embarrassingly negative emotions toward the man who is my best friend, my soulmate, my spouse. I don't know how we made it through this year, but we are so much better for it.
Today at the gym, we had a personal training intro session. They ended up being overbooked and asked us to reschedule, but the trainer gave us some workout tips and had us do some exercises on the treadmill. Normally, Matt and I do our own thing at the gym so we're not working out together. Today, we were doing the same workout and it made me realize just how good of a team we are. We were doing intervals and we had to switch to different inclines every couple of minutes. It seemed like every time I lost track (or he did) the other one of us was on top of it.
When I started working out and trying to lose weight, I didn't like it when Matt would work out with me. I felt like he was holding me back from my true potential. As things have gotten better between us, I've come to realize that his encouragement only pushes me farther than I can push myself and he makes me believe I can accomplish anything. Losing weight has become a team effort, and though Matt hasn't really tried it much himself, working on German is something he pushes me to do. I've found that since MY goals have become OUR goals, I've been much more successful. Instead of me forcing Matt to do things on my terms, he and I are enjoying the adventure that is becoming healthier. At the same time, we're working out the kinks of home ownership and chores and dieting and - still, every day - our marriage.
I can safely say that regardless of where I stand on my goals of learning German and losing weight when I analyze them in the next week, this past year has been a total, complete, HUGE success.
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