Names

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately, especially with the baby coming any day now (we hope!!).  Since I haven't written a blog in about 6 gazillion years and Facebook notes are so 2006, I figured this would be a good thing to come back with.

Names are important to me.  It drives me crazy when people get mine wrong, mispronounce it, or give me a nickname before I'm close enough to them for them to have a nickname for me.  I always call people by the name with which they introduce themselves to me.  If they tell me they'd rather be called something different, I happily oblige.  It confuses me when people don't make an effort to do the same because names are important.

A few months before Matt and I got married, I started to realize that I didn't want to change my name.  I had always intended to and was known to practice my new signature during particularly boring classes.  Once it actually got close though, I freaked out about the thought of it.  I've always felt defined by my last name and I've always loved it (liked it, even…heh heh heh). While our sacramental marriage meant becoming one it definitely didn't mean leaving my 'old' self behind to reinvent myself entirely, which is what I felt I'd be doing if I changed my name.  He wasn't happy about it at first, but I explained myself and my reasoning.  He understood where I was coming from and ultimately agreed when I asked him if he would be willing to change his name for me and the answer was an adamant no.  If he wouldn't be willing to do this for me, it wasn't reasonable to expect it of me.

People have told me that I don't love him because I haven't changed my name; that we're somehow less of a married couple because of it.  They've said crazy things about it and it blows my mind.  I am not trying to make a statement by not changing my name.  In fact, sometimes for a minute I think it'd be nice to have the same name so people don't refer to Matt by my name or so that I don't have to take an extra moment every time I need to provide both our names to explain that we have different last names. But ultimately, I don't regret my decision to keep my name.  I love that I've never had to feel like I gave up being me when I got married.  I think, looking back, it would have been more detrimental to our marriage if I had.

Of course, once this was decided we started to discuss the names of our future children.  What it came down to was that our children would be part of both of us.  They are half Macari and half Leick, and we felt their names should reflect that.  If I love my name and Matt loves his, why not give them both names?  So that's what we're doing.  This little munchkin (whenever (s)he decides to show up) will have the last name Leick-Macari.  And when the baby, boy or girl, gets married they will decide what they want to do.  If we have a son that wants to change his name to his wife's we will support him fully.  If we have a daughter who wants to tack an extra last name onto her own, we will tell her to go for it.

As a final thought, I'm going to do a brief PSA:  If you know a couple who has two different names, you should ask them how they prefer to be addressed.  If you're not comfortable asking, etiquette dictates that you write the married couple's names on the same line in alphabetical order.  The likelihood of either party finding this offensive is approximately 0%.  The likelihood of either party finding being addressed by the name that is not their own offensive is significantly higher.

Speaking to Matt and myself specifically, (Ms.) Kelsey Leick and (Mr.) Matt Macari is perfectly sufficient.  Once the baby comes, adding Baby Leick-Macari or addressing us as 'The Leick-Macaris' or 'The Leick-Macari Family' is great as well (and saves some ink).

If anyone has any thoughts on why they did or didn't change their names or how they approached naming children when they have different last names, I'd love to hear it.  Perspective is a wonderful thing.