Since I saw the little positive or the second line or whatever it was on the pregnancy test that indicated I had a tiny baby growing inside me, I was sure that I wouldn't make it to my due date. It was mother's intuition. A sure thing. I would be having this baby early. Yessir, I was going to be one of those moms that everyone is jealous of because it's my first and I went a week and a half early. And then my 35th week rolled around and I started having Braxton Hicks so intensely during mass that I couldn't catch my breath. I didn't realize they were Braxton Hicks, of course. I thought they were the real thing and it may be something where I'd have to go in and they'd stop my progress. But I went home where I took a bath and they slowed down after a while. And then the same thing happened the next week. And the next week too. In fact, I was quite certain that my water was going to break during mass. Probably during the consecration when I would have to awkwardly run out of the church from the front row.
In addition to the crazy Braxton Hicks, there were a handful of signs that showed up over the weeks indicating my body was creating the hormones that induce labor. So I was really, really confident that the baby would be coming early. But it's now 5 days past my due date and the baby is still perfectly content to hang out inside. Although, given the crazy weather out here and the nice toasty spa that the baby has inside I really can't blame the little one.
With that said, I had no idea how much of pregnancy (especially at this point) is psychological. Every day is like climbing a new mountain. Waking up and not knowing what (if anything) is going to happen is hard. Really, really hard. I go to sleep hoping I'll wake up in the morning...or the middle of the night...or any time really, having contractions. I wake up every morning (and 4 times throughout the night) with no signs of anything new. I overanalyze every single little twinge (there are plenty of them) and get excited that this tiny little pain is different and I bet it's a contraction…and then it's not.
I'm writing this because I think it's so uncommon in this day and age to have someone make the choice to allow the pregnancy go as long as the baby decides to stay in. I won't be induced (with medication) unless I go over 42 weeks and the non-pitocin alternatives don't work. I will carry this baby as long as he or she stays healthy and my vitals look good. I don't think people realize how much of what they say is more hurtful than helpful at this point. I have wanted to punch more than one person in the face for a comment they made. A lot of that is the hormones talking, but this condition is almost purely psychological at this point and hearing the wrong thing will often leave me sobbing for half an hour, questioning why I'm doing this and how I'm supposed to go on for another five minutes, let alone another day or potentially seven or nine.
The funny thing is that when I was thinking about writing this blog this morning, I had no idea what anyone could possibly say that would make me feel better (or at least not worse) about still being pregnant. And then it happened at work.
I was walking down the hall and one of my (shockingly enough) male coworkers saw me and said "Awww." What I heard was, "What a bummer that you're still here! I was really hoping that you would have had the baby by now. I'm sorry you haven't yet!" It was music to my ears. Alternatively, having people see me and say nothing about the baby is equally as nice.
Here is a list of conversation starters, offhand comments, or general phrases that at best don't help and at worst leave me sobbing for half an hour:
- "I'm/We're so excited for the baby!"
- This makes me feel like I'm being pressured to have the baby and my body is failing by not having gone into labor yet. It's not rational, but it is what it is.
- "Still no baby, huh?"
- If you can't tell by my rather large, round belly and impressive waddle - yes, I'm still pregnant.
- "You look miserable!"
- I am.
- "Didn't you think you were going to give birth before your due date?"
- This is one that makes me cry. Even more so when it's followed by laughter at the idea that I would even think I would have a baby early. Never mind the fact that my mother was a week early with my older sister and based on that notion, it didn't seem insane to me that I would go early.
- "You're seriously still working?"
- My other option would be to waste my precious little maternity leave time sitting around the house doing nothing but annoying my wonderful husband who just wants to get some work done. Also, work keeps my mind off of the fact that I am now almost a week past my due date with no signs of labor in sight.
- "Aren't they going to induce you soon?"
- Nope, they're not. It's a decision I made because I firmly believe that natural childbirth is the best option.
- "You're going to end up with an epidural." Alternatively, chuckling/laughter when I say I want a natural childbirth.
- Cue crying/punching people. I have planned for as long as I can remember to have a natural childbirth. I took classes to prepare mentally. I specifically chose midwifery care and the birthing center (not hospital) because I knew that the midwives would be able to help with the natural birthing in ways an OB likely would not. I have a doula because they increase the likelihood of a natural birth by 30%. I have a husband who supports me 100% which is probably the most important piece of the puzzle. I will do this and YOU will be wrong.
This probably sounds very rant-y/angry and it is a little bit. I think people are generally trying to be nice, but I'm in this crazy place inside my head and I'm not going to hear what a rationally thinking person would hear.
Moral of the story: the next time you're talking to a really pregnant woman, especially one who is past her due date, the best course of action is probably just to talk about something not pregnancy related. What would you say to her if she weren't pregnant right then? Ask her about her work or her plans for the day or anything unrelated to the baby. If she wants to talk about the pregnancy and the baby, let her be the one to bring it up.
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